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When change occurs, something ends. There is loss. The old situation—and who we were in that situation—no longer exists. Even when the change is a “good” one, we experience loss. For example, someone who has left an abusive partner may still mourn the loss of that relationship and her dreams for a future with that person.
The main challenge with Endings is to acknowledge and address the full range of losses brought on by a change. Only then, can you adapt to your new situation.
Acknowledge and Sort Losses
Facing a loss is critical to coming to terms with change. Allow yourself to mourn a loss, then try to uncover what is and isn’t over and what you will or will not have to let go as a result of a change. These reflective exercises can help move past denial – a common pitfall during Endings.
Personal Loss Analysis
Offsetting Losses
Get Closure
Rituals can help mark a clean break from the past. Although these exercises might feel contrived, physical actions can trigger the emotional and psychological separations that we need to make during Endings.
Let it Go Exercise
Life Books
Goodbye Letter
Seek Support
Endings can be one of the most challenging phases of transition because there is so much loss. This is the time to reach out to people who have supported you in the past or might be helpful now. It is also important to recognize who might keep you stuck in the past.
Circles of Support
Support Letters
Identify Continuities
We don’t have to scrap everything when we are faced with a change. Part of the work in the Endings phase is to identify what has served you well in the past – friends, attitudes, behaviors – that can continue to work for you as you adapt to your life after the change.
Assessing Strengths
Shipping Labels
Tune into Transitions
Music can be a powerful way of teaching Transitions concepts, particularly to youth. Through the use of creative lyrics, rhythms, and key changes, songs allow you to absorb ideas in a way that words alone cannot. Identifying your own Transitions songs is a good way to assess your understanding of the framework.
Below are a few songs that speak specifically to Endings:
“Dead Man’s Rope” Sting, Sacred Love
“Closing Time” Semisonic, 20th Century Masters – The Millennium Collection
“Keep Your Head” Mary J. Blige, Share Your World
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Honor Your Past
Shannon entered the foster care system at age 12 and bounced from one foster home to another, losing many of her personal belongings along the way. But nine years — and 15 placements later — Shannon still held on to a raggedy teddy bear that her mother had given her as a child. more >
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Flux, Life After Foster Care
Produced by the Foster Care Alumni of America with contributions from over 100 alumni, FLUX brings honest, useful and juicy real-life expertise to youth in foster care as they transition to adulthood. Read an excerpt on Bio Family Relationships here.
Purchase Flux here. |
Video: Getting Closure, Honoring the Past
For an idea to help bring closure, listen to Christopher Smith’s description of his “Piece of the Puzzle” activity.
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Additional videos:
Christopher Smith:
What happens when we face multiple traumatic Endings? >
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