Decades of over-fishing and poor management had depleted New England’s groundfish population. Although the industry was clearly in crisis, many fishermen were too proud to admit that they were facing bankruptcy and the possible loss of their livelihood. But how can you solve a problem if no one wants to admit there is one?

The fishing industry in New England is over 400 years old. At one time, vast arrays of groundfish, or bottom-dwelling species – from haddock to ocean perch to halibut – were caught along those shores. But as the industry’s efficiency improved with increased mechanization and more powerful ships, the region’s fishing stocks were unable to keep up. Combined with decades of poor regulation and mismanagement, New England’s groundfish population was eventually depleted, causing economic and ecological crises.

In 1995, Craig Pendleton, a fisherman from Saco, Maine, founded the Northwest Atlantic Marine Alliance (NAMA), a grassroots organization that brings together fishermen, conservationists, government leaders, and marine scientists to jointly work out a solution to the industry’s problems. However, Craig found it difficult to recruit his fellow fishermen to participate in NAMA’s meetings. Fishermen who were struggling financially refused to admit as much in public; their traditional self-reliance and pride made it seem shameful to acknowledge they were going through hard times. Instead they adopted an “everything’s okay” façade.

Craig finally managed to get through the fishermen’s resistance by approaching each one privately for a one-on-one. As he talked about NAMA and its mission, he would also tell them about his own boat and his own financial struggles as a result of over-fishing. And then he would tell them how he had been able to open up and publicly admit that times were difficult. “If I can say it’s bad, so can you,” he told the fishermen. And, as a result, they began to talk about their struggles, and finally, how to resolve them together.

Denial is a common first reaction to any kind of Ending. It’s easier to pretend that everything is fine and hope that eventually things will be. For a lot of people, admitting something is wrong seems too much like admitting that they did something wrong, or that they are weak.

As a change leader, you need to create a climate where people feel safe enough to acknowledge that they are experiencing an Ending. Admitting that you are going through, or have gone through, a similar situation yourself is one way to show people that it’s alright to talk about loss.